New Developments!

(Another previous post on said other blog on 01/12/08)

As usual, a lot has gone on with me since last posting. For starters, I am learning to snowboard! Woohoo! Man that shit is fun! I went last weekend for the first time at Cataloochie.....like I said, man what a good time. I haven't had that much fun/not fun in a long time. What was not fun was the first few hours. What was fun was the next few hours. It took a bit for me to get the hang of it, but I did get a hold of it fairly quickly. Where it wasn't fun, was how hard I was having to work just to stand. After my bindings were adjusted to better suit my height and stance, hell it was a blast! I was going to go this weekend for a short bit, but decided I would have better use of time if I went on my day off...coming in 2 days. I am going out on my own. And I can't fucking wait.
On other ground, things at home are going good, and work is going great. I really like where I work, because it is structured, and there are actual guidelines to go by. I do like a creative side to work, but here lately, I can't find a balance with it. So now, I just take happiness in my workload.
On other fronts, I have been giving religion a rethinking. This is a damn touchy subject with me, so know I do not tread lightly on it. I have been a self proclaimed pagan for a long time now. Until a few months ago. I really started to disect some things about my beliefs. I had been told by more than a few ppl that for a pagan I acted awful christian. Hmmmm.......after much study and thought I have come to this conclusion. I really think that I truly believe in a early form of christianity. Not the roman version, not anyone's version, other than that of the variety born in the UK at the time of the fall of paganism as a main belief. It was an assimilation of pagan and christian beliefs. Now those who know me and know me well, would shit thier pants. I have long and hard fought that entire movement of assimilation. What happened was that I was brought face to face with why I fought it. I will be quite honest in saying that for many many years I blamed "God" for all that went wrong in my life. I figured that if god was the reason I had all my problems that I could easily dismiss the power and teachings that could aid me. I chose the hard road. WTF is wrong with me? Well this topic and subsequential questions came out of it. You know what? The answers I had for them were not easy to swallow. In fact I am still struggling with it. But only because I am one stubborn SOB. And I hate to say I am wrong, though I will. Point is, I would have to say that my core beliefs are shifting. And not because I was forced to. Because I have finally faced the music.
A lot of this has to do with my dad's death. This is the one area of my life that I have neglected for way too long. I accept his death. I never accepted why it had to happen. I just accepted that it did. Well, sirs, that ain't good enough. What it takes is strength and courage to really ask yourself why you turned your back on god. And instead, tried to justify your actions, when there really was no justification needed. Only understanding.
I am being guided by 4 ppl very close to me on this. They have seen for some time that I am not who I say I am. At least not spiritually. I am regaining a different sense of being. And you know what? It feels right. ( I never in a million years thought I would ever say that) I don't go to church, and haven't even confessed all of my thoughts yet. The closest I came was with Bret one night. And even then, I couldn't go through with it. For some reason, I am still not ready to....this is the closest I have come to that.


I was going to go into another topic, but it deserves a blog of it's own. Had some realizations lately, did a little research, and am somewhat surprised by my findings. As not to keep you in total suspense, what this blog will have to do with is UFO's and abductions, and dream sequences, and history, and what I found was astounding. It only backs up what I seem to have known from the get go. It's eerie creepy. Only because I half wanted to believe I was crazy for making the claims that I did. But now....now, I think that not only was I right, but I am seeing the future. It's a bit fucked up, but if you listen to Coast to Coast at all, it would be no stranger than a breadcrumb.


So ready yourselves for an in depth blog about how not only did we come from an alien species, but many different ones, and how the history of the world is somehow tied to it, and how we will not fall desolate in "rapture" or whatever, how where it will matter is the intergalactic war that will take place on our planet. Call me nuts, but I shit you not when I say I have dreamed of this. Over and over. Since I was a child. I am apparantly not the only one to have these dreams. I have found out recently. Here's where it gets tricky......the tie in of places and names, especially dating to latin beginnnings. Oh it get's good, so stay tuned.

I feel I have rambled enough for tonight. Peace to all.